Things I deleted, feeling now I should not have and this problem has been mine for decades Mars opposite Ascendant, being my own enemy, without credentials we have no support, delete, it never happened.

I stand by things I shared, they were my experiences here is the profile words I wrote on astro-seek account I should not have deleted, I did not keep the babble and talking at self and I believe that was the part that hurt, as truth, I could not face. The post I dared ask need be broken down, my impatience and loneliness, standing unanswered, it is more that I perceived being stared at rather than engaged when truth it was 1, incomplete and 2, vague, combined with not allowing anyone to question or respond or having given them the time to, it is not a burned bridge, just one I had not understood and instead of seeing the joy I see only negativity.
:64: was only a Moon icon.

Profile words:

:64:

Life, I wished it were better.
I asked only for Peace, Love and Happiness.
Thinking I possessed time, patience and understanding.
I knew nothing. Everything was lies.
Now I am learning and relearning, seeking Truth & Justice.
For decades I have felt a great undercurrent of knowledge and experiences, but ignored it, adapting to societal norms, otherwise knowing and feeling that it is the corrupted manipulation of Knowledge & Power that has created the oppression everyone is now realizing. Every day I am becoming more aware of centuries of countless murder, enslavement, misunderstanding, misuse and abuse of power ‘in the name of’ which bring me to the comprehension and appreciation of several millennia of inspiration and culture that hold the truth.
Science, History, Religion, Technology & Humanity do not have to conflict, the truth is all around us.
On the power of attraction; constant desire for and entertaining ideas of worldly negatives that wipe out humanity are occurring, people talk of sustainability or lack thereof daily for all manners and aspects of our lives, however will not confront the sake of our souls, each of which interpret reality differently because we are all uniquely created by the Universe and are affected with It’s constant movement through time which gives us our past, present and future, with our utmost respect to the All Thing, Ether, Mythos, God, Allah, Brahman and the manifestation of the same truths of energy to which we must Understand in order to avoid another Catastrophic Event we face as the imbalance urges this Entity as already witnessed before with diminishing effects on all of us.
Blessings

I am not educated, everything I learn must be of interest and it is based on upbringing, Culture American, Religion Christian, Science and History, so it should be no surprise given my chart that I have great difficulty being the best I can but find ease in the difficulty. I only found Astrology in early 2022 and have spent most of the time since trying to figure myself out, I know I am bright, I should write but have great difficulty in execution. I’ve come to understand I have an uncanny way of seeing darkness and exuding it, no surprise Scorpio Rising, duplicate Scorpio at 12th and spanning the “veil” opposite Moon and Mars in Taurus and all square my self in Aquarius, no wonders anymore why I was miserable all summer most of my life, the rest of the planet aspects and placements (understand I calculate all by star conjunctions/houses and aspects- not [just] signs) stand true to interpretations, but the one thing I can not beat no matter how hard I try is my North Node. I am supposed to be uplifting and inspiring, I’ve put that to the test of my works over and over, every story end in Dystopian hell. I blamed it on the Scorpio/Pluto, Moon/Algol, Saturn/Betelgeuse, Sun/Albali and even took the time to feel each passing of the Moon and Sun as well as any planetary conjunctions to my points as that is what I feel the most [Angles/Planets]. Mostly what I come up with is dystopian, agenda driven technology and something so dark, no prayer can evade… Is it me? I do not believe so any longer. Times past dating back to Antiquity seekers looked to the sky and stars, needing to see the Sun and stars and an ability to feel, over time religions pushed back these findings and suppressed and killed by tens of thousands of people daily to enforce their power, science doing little to forward this thinking as well by pulling back the veil of God and revealing the inner workings of the Universe around us so much so Astrology was removed from Astronomy and we were left only with the science of things there. Psychology came up out from this and people believe that completely until we all wear labels instead of anything God may have placed to make us unique and call it something we must correct or medicate. Science is pretty good at finding truths that we can validate, red stars are malefic, lighter, brighter, bigger, distance seem to play into things, the pale greens and blues being more benefic and others finding fit into interpretations of antiquity, so since I began to learn I have found relativity and hope to explain how and why, but always this return to anything but uplifting and inspiring.
I spent the last week Solar Return at home and feeling my year ahead and making my plans and beginning anew while searching my next story, but it was most horrific, that was 5 days ago, particularly Sunday the 4th, as that story ended humanity once again. It was also the end of my Sun/Sun and I’ve wondered for days what it means. Last night around 3am I turned on a program, talking about how a hole may have been opened circa 1940’s Jack Parsons and beginning JPL NASA, I actually seen a program months ago so I was already familiar with his quest to see through a vision as a child where he envisioned the Red Lady and later through his rocket launch, ties with Thelma and Crowley and his eventual blowing himself up through his experiments, but had he and others really ripped our world open and could all we be driving towards were actually alien, inter-dimensional, demonic agenda or persuasion… idk I fell asleep. When I woke this morning I could not stop thinking on Ozzy Ozbourne lyrics for Mr. Crowley and had convinced myself the lyrics were Ptolemically sent until I look them up and found I was wrong (‘polemically sent’ actually), but it had been written a Crowley book given to Iommi inscribed with “Ptolemically sent” by him. Well I’ve read the entire band (Black Sabbath) had pretty much just wanted to warn folks to stay clear of esoteric, magik, demonic things and some wearing great big silver crosses to this day and believe in Catholicism, I grew up during all that and believed it was all for show and believed most every one else in the industry was doing the same, just putting on a show. [consider probably closer to what Kurt Cobain meant by ‘singing all the pretty songs’ but not knowing what it meant] Most artists I am attracted to are Scorpio rising or have a major Pluto theme in their charts, I even find authors that wrote weird or taboo things were going through some significant Pluto aspect. So what of all of it? We all have dark somewhere, but by mid morning, after reading to channel properly one must be in a place to see all stars and the sun, maybe cast objects and go through all these complicated ceremonies, where in fact if one were so inclined to feel the ethereal one probably just need to be knowing of oneself, have a good idea where everything is and a general understanding of interpretation, but that is my opinion. So why all the destruction? I wanted to see if anything significant occurred Sunday, no, but there was an asteroid that passed Earth on the 2nd, but that did not influence, nor can I say what I envisioned for humanity and our solar system because I may write that into a story yet because the next thing I questioned today was the Galactic Center. I just wanted to know and I discovered what I feel is a needed correction, it is not all bright and wonderful, dense and star generating, it is actually frozen and dense with ice and only making more ice, it is completely dead and lifeless, so as many in my generation with the positive message and purpose to be uplifting and inspiring we are actually each and every one a harbinger of death and destruction. I guess so, maybe it’s just me.

I did hit the charts to find Charon [incorrect, the asteroid was not Charon] conjunct Sun the last few days, I’m not a big modern asteroid guy, and do not put a lot of faith in things discovered recently, although I’ve seen some ugly within my IC and 4th house, nothing easily forgotten or overcome even at 50 years old. I talk/write/think like this every day, but have no time for social sites and have not posted anything I did not soon delete if not the entire profile. I pop up now and again, mostly to hide again and as I said am not educated beyond high school, most of my life it has been a struggle of willpower and trying to ignore and 6th sense or claires. I just felt the need to express today, unedited and as it flows/comes to mind. Overcoming the darkness to become uplifting and inspiring to others would require galactic effort, it is not a flowing energy that brings one closer to their higher self, it must be a challenge, but isn’t all of it. Thanks for reading, please accept my apologies, I should not communicate- actually.

That was February 6th 2024 at 2:44 PM EST according to document date.

I decided a few days later to stop deleting, stop being quiet, stop doing nothing.

Only having a High School education. No higher education, everything I know is self research or pursuits.

Imagine if it helps one single person to know any of this exists and is real, you need not believe astrology, I read somewhere it matters not it is functioning- it is referred to as being “As Above, So Below”, these are some of the truths I found, everyone’s will differ. I refuse to remain frustrated within myself and project frustration.

As I had not actually written today, here is a piece of knowledge I shared with my neighbors upon discovering it summer 2022:

If one’s life is so perplexed- a dysfunctional life, chart or person, day or night, one need only to find the other hemisphere and flip their chart upside down. This was not intended to create a misunderstanding and the complexity of proper calculation requires attention to detail and a working knowledge of astrocartography and scientific knowledge of natural resources and regional polarities, eventually a trip required to locations, Solar Return, then return home and experience the effect as unwittingly remaining may be a trap.

May God Bless and keep us all engaged to find the wise solutions, Amen -dbtrine