WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE AND SPIRITUALITY, CONTENT INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES 18+

I have colour, you have colour, we all have colour, I am Blackened; burned and laden with soot and brimstone, you do not have to be. I am Death, I bring Death, I will consume and cost much loss, I Destroy and bring Storms, I will swallow nations and leaders and I will vomit no Life for I may not bear Life again. I am Dead.

To be completely honest, I know I am not special, I can not write a novel, I can not ‘Do Life’, I get it all wrong and make mistakes, I am Dysfunctional and I have known this for some time, I try not to meddle in the affairs of anyone or anything, because when I do it all turns to shit.

I got it wrong. I missed something. I close all the Gates and Sacred Places, yet I Reveal Hell, the only place left “OPEN” at this late an hour and its light is bright and welcoming.

I got it wrong to be Destroyer, this I know because when I see the Destruction upon Humanity it only makes me cry.

When you hurt I hurt. Today, we near Polaris and Betelgeuse, the connection I anticipated was to destroy the Dollar, to bring down the Financial Establishment and all of its Connections. I talk LOUDLY, no one knows me, I say this and that, showing you how you are Divine, but suffer in my own Greed and Selfishness, as the Power is Real. It is True, I feel ALL the Parts, I walked under the Sun as Baal and Denied All Rituals, I placed the Sun on my Head and stood like a God, I stomped and crushed, I believed, I Prayed and I Wept. I awaited the Bull’s Horns, only to find it is not mine and Knew this to be Truth and I learned to give control to a more Responsible Person and by doing so I felt a relief I have never known and my purpose became more clear, then it rained, during impossible odds, 100+ degrees and zero percent chance of rain, it did rain and I walked into this rain and I knew again the presence of God.

I am no one, no one of any importance or consequence.

I repent sins, pray for all the World’s People and struggle to find the answers, this has been painful, it takes the Entire Global Community, not a village, not a small team of inspirational writers as I had thought, I must open up and listen to Everyone and Act Accordingly, there is not enough battery in my phone or time in a day, and each day reveals more; some tragic moments, alarming news, disgusting acts, the disgrace of humanity unfolding before me… I also see good, there is good, there are people and places that refuse to be the Darkness, they share the Light and few they may be, they are present, I am grateful, they are Loved, And there are the outright Satirical and they present the Hell around us all in an Entertaining yet Educational and funny way, so I thank you all, it is tough and it is hard to chew through.

I wept over a bag of Blood, my friend ran her hands through it and she cried, I could not stop hearing her cries for hours, for she wept not only for herself, she wept for humanity, she wept for us all. I had heard her say before, ‘My blood y’all, look at my blood!’ I had never seen it, I have seen much blood, I have held the dying and I have held those close to death, looking at blood and clots on the ground, holding hands and keeping them alive and am hardened and tough to the site of arterial spray and broken skulls leaking life’s precious blood and this bag of Blood killed me for hours and I still weep because I know this is my Blood as well.

I have made mistakes. I have pushed at and torn my clothes to be seen, to be desired. I have mutilated myself, stabbed and pierced my body, cutting, punching walls and floors, frustrated and only embarrassing myself. Yelling at authorities, causing damage, because I thought the world was wrong, because what they taught me were lies after they taught me Truths and it never would make any sense, I could not see duality in others. I can only see in black and white, right and wrong, polarized, for I have no fluidity, my energy is Fixed and it is my own Hell, while I Rebel, only to find I Rebel against my very self. I break things, I break myself, I break those around me. Some have died.

When I look at these people, those of renown, their souls on display, as intended by God and I see where they may have reconciled as I look to myself for reconciliation, trying to navigate the Universe I have now come to Understand in a very Personal way as I yell at the World, realizing my part, cast into this Mess we have all created. No! I am not without Sin, no I am not Special and I am above no one. I repent. I Learn. I See. I want to lift All and see them Rise and Soar to their Greatest Abilities, however I am the Lowest Common Denominator, I am Beneath Everyone and I have not the Might to Lift ALL. But this will always be my wish. I have always been lowly, everyone gets before I do, everyone finds purpose, everyone a job, a purpose, a happiness, a meaning to Life, but I find so many Pinned, Nailed and enslaved to anything and everything possible, like a field of carpeting, sodden with tears and rife with struggle under the World Influences and Control. No one knows but a very scant few, as I am no one, that if I were to own the World’s Wealth I would never tire, always be poor, because I would spend it in a day, spend it all, every job being completed, every bolt secured, every surface painted, every brick placed, every wire pulled, until this place I call Home functions like it is intended… no not one left untouched. I would start from the wellsprings from where it came and find duties for all. I know this is idealistic, I know it is unrealistic, but I also know it is not impossible.

The mistake I made approaching this quality of time, was to place myself into it and be Destruction. I have had enough and see means to an End, I am already Dead and will bring All with me, the “OPEN” sign shining brightly in a dark World, full of fences and walls, covered in soot, choked with smoke and reeking of brimstone, the wails of the tortured ringing, piercing and I recall this place, I have been here, it was a nightmare decades ago and it was enough to keep me a good man, to leave me with one message, to save the soul of my wife, to be good, that I may bring her from this place, take her to my Heaven and be at Peace. Now I am conflicted, I see my selfishness and see the ones behind me, depending on me to light the way before them, as I extinguish the Light refusing to proceed, they are lost, they become victim as I become victim to the Anger, Rage and Hate, all be it for a good Lesson of Destruction.

There will be more days, some harder than this, some will be full of Judgement. The tide turns, the leaders see, they are very aware, will they learn. Can we believe and count on everyone who have stepped up and rest assured that the rest will do the same, it is a war, a war between good and evil.

These next few days, critical, do I Save or do I Destroy?

Why in my missed life lessons is it that I find all these lessons are paid in full and awaiting me, each lesson like gifts at an altar, flowering like life is a cup and drink it up and know the best is free? I refuse to ritual, I would not have said this lest it were not true, not all in life is for the taking, not all in life is reaped without knowing what to sacrifice and what is sacred and to all those who knew not the difference, trespassed on, and stolen, made rotten the fruit sacred, you will burn and I will consume you, your soul spiced and flavorful that I may restore my colour and make less my blackened, charred and dead soul and I will present flowers for your daughters to pick in the world you created and I will devour them with my all my appetite and they will never be free and your eternal end realised.

Again, he would see his fruit only in dream, her laughter and smile, his only daughter, now visits before the dawn, she finds him on the shore, returning home, his head full of scars, the sea rises behind him, the beach destroyed, she mends his flesh, quenches his thirst, clears the debris and war torn dunes and she urges him on with only the word ‘papa’ for he is alive and he may only see her in the ‘tween before he must ignite the Sun and start another Day, he may weep, he will watch her run off, lantern bobbing above her as he wonders which is alive and which is dead, for he does not know, he only hammers on his armor and sharpens his weapons and awaits the next battle, he knows not what he has become, but he feels his duty and what he fights for, he can not understand these differences and he is lost in War. He is sick and burnt and he recalls when he too had had colors and life and love, before it was too late.